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Mrs. Doe's solution is this: she must stop thinking in terms of patience, expressiveness, and neatness when she is angry with Mr. Doe. When she does, she misuses them. These are perfectly good qualities for Mrs. Doe to use when she is calm and rational, but when she is angry, she misuses them in a dissatisfying and destructive manner. She would benefit greatly by supplanting those qualities with the qualities in her blue zone (or the ones closest to the blue zone) when she is feeling angry with Mr. Doe. After she calms down, she can resume the other qualities in a positive manner.

Remember, there is no greater tool to assist you in making good choices than to know yourself well. No matter what you do, where you go, where you live, where you work; whether you live alone or together with others, every single choice that you make is governed by character qualities.  Each character quality is yours already to practice and use. You have a right as a human being to use those genuine qualities to assist you at ever turn and in every relationship.

In our modern age, we seem to have nearly forgotten about character. We seemed to have nearly forgotten that we are entitled to make better choices if we want to.

What kind of choices do you want to be remembered for making during the years of your life?

In Lincoln, Nebraska, there is cemetery in the middle of town. It's been there since 1869. Most of us will never be the subject of a book or a movie. Most of the people who are buried in that cemetery have long since been forgotten. As the years continue to fade into the past, less and less will be known about the people who are buried there.

I took a walk around that cemetery to see what I could learn about the people who were buried there. I took some paper with me to keep track of what I would find. I did not record everything, but I randomly observed about 400 graves to see what I could learn about about who those people were.

What I found was very revealing. I found that the biggest share of the graves were only marked with a name and date of when the person was born and when they died.  That's it!

The next largest category simply indicated that they were a husband, a wife, or mother, or father, a son, or a daughter.

Far fewer still, were the people who were actually remembered by cute little sayings like, "gone but not forgotten!"

About the same number as those were remembered for what they believed.

Almost none of the men and none of the women were remembered for what they did? If a man was remembered at all for what he did, typically it was his military service, unless he was a very important person like governor, general, founder of a large business or bank, that type of thing.  However, by far, the biggest share of men were not even remembered for what they did for a living.

I saw just one man who was noted that he knew somebody important, and that was because he was a friend of Charles Lindbergh, the first man to fly across the Atlantic Ocean alone.

I found no one who was noted for what they said.

I found no one who was noted for owning a big fancy house, a ranch, a farm, a boat, a horse, or a car ... not even a really nice car!

Almost everyone who was noted and remembered for anything at all was remembered for being a husband, a wife, a mom, a dad, a son, or a daughter.

There are over 50,000 people buried in this cemetery, but only two are widely known for what they did. Both of these men did something that was extra-ordinary. Charlie was known for what he did wrong, and Gordon was known for what he did right. Both men started out like all the rest of us. Both men began making choices as children. Both of them had very solid character strengths. Both of them were actually gifted in the character strength of expressiveness.

However, Charlie was not interested in making good choices with his expressiveness like Gordon was. Charlie was willing to settle for counterfeit expressiveness and Gordon wanted to make choices to pursue genuine expressiveness.

Charlie and Gordon both had media fame.

Charlie and Gordon both caught the attention of the President of the United States.

Charlie became so famous that his life was the inspiration of several movies.

Gordon became famous because he was an actor in the Movies.

Charlie's life was chaotic, and filled with selfish choices!

Gordon's life was honored by President Ronald Reagan. You see, Gordon MacRae, was famous for his role in the musical Oklahoma for singing, "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning." He lived a long life and he retired in Lincoln.  He passed away in 1986.

Charlie's life has been studied by the FBI, and criminal psychologists for many years now. You see, Charlie Starkweather, made some really big mistakes by the time he was just 19 years old. He went on killing spree in Lincoln which shocked and horrified the entire nation back in 1959. His life abruptly ended in punishment in the electric chair before he turned 21 years old.

Everyone of us have choices to make. Most of us will never make the bad choices that Charlie made. Most of us will never be known for being a famous actor and singer. If we are lucky, we will be remembered as husband, as wife, as mom, as dad, as son, or as daughter. The memory of us will be what we earned, day by day ...just one good choice at a time.

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